It’s the smallest miracles – those swift, subtle shifts in supernatural direction – that move me. You may call it perfect timing, but since ‘perfect’ and ‘time’ both belong to One, I am just going to sit and be thankful.
I – in my haste and rather deplorable stupidity – volunteered to present on a book in a class of students who are all experts on Middle Eastern/African post-colonial theory and history. Let’s face it – East Asianists hardly ever analyze the value of Sartre in the South Korean postcolonial context (though they really ought to, all this field-relative myopia is a little bit disconcerting). As soon as I walked out of the classroom, I realized just how much work was waiting for me.
And then I couldn’t locate a copy (yes, even in Manhattan it’s possible) of Gharbzadegi.
And then my presentation partner offered to help me out.
And then when she couldn’t do it, our professors most graciously let us push a portion of our presentation back a week.
Oh yes – and then the copy of Gharbzadegi I requested from Yale came in this morning.
A couple days ago, I was so amazed by the work ahead of me that I just sat back and started laughing. I am clearly past the point of panic, and I am now roving about somewhere in that great bubble of hilariousness. I’m just so busy – it’s actually funny.
But seeing as I have experienced a series of small moments of grace, even within the past 72 hours, I am figuring that the next week and a half will be done with that same kind of supernatural flourish.
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Psalm 73: 21-26
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant, I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My heart and my flesh may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Because I believe God is real – and because I believe God sent Christ to die – the knowable and that which can be known soon – is not only endless, but good.
If God is not real, then in theory anything can be known – but it will not be meaningful, and it will someday be replaced by something else.
If God is real but Christ did not die, then what we can know is limited by our sin.
But because God is real – and Christ died and rose again – there is endless good to be found – and known. This life, this love, this fight – is just fraught with glorious surprise.
No matter how fast we learn, how fast we run – he has more for us, and he runs further still.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Beirut, Bon Iver, Bonnie Raitt, Can't make you love me, covers, Florence and the Machine, Florence Welch, Just a feeling, postcards from italy, tributes, Urban Zakapa
That woman’s voice is amazing.
The recent SNL sketch with Justin Timberlake as Bon Iver was, I thought, hilarious.
I miss the trumpets. But then again – it’s Florence Welch. Therefore it’s good.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Food Network, Marcus Samuelsson, Savoring Harlem
OH HAAYY.
Welcome to my neighborhood.
“There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing those things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.”
- C.S. Lewis
This morning I woke and realized that the only thing I could manage to squeeze out was, “God, I need you to be God in my life today.”
There is nothing “natural” about salvation.
I think that is something that tends to be swept under the metaphorical pew, and as someone who grew up in the church, it is easy to forget that there is a terrible degree of unnatural-ness to the gospel. We come into the death and resurrection thinking that it is, to some part, “it was going to happen anyways” – that we are sinful, yes, but Christ saved.
Not that the above isn’t true, because I believe it is,
but I don’t know if we – or at least I – emphasize enough the weightiness of God’s choice, God’s love, and God’s intention. He was in no way coerced into saving us – we, as bitter and frail composites of carbon and hydrogen and oxygen – are not particularly persuasive beings. We should give ourselves no credit in that regard. And I don’t.
And so when He reminds me of his intentionality, not only for humanity but in my life in particular – or even at all – it’s pupil-widening.
Amazing grace indeed.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: failure, faith, finding favor, graduate school, swimming through meta, thesis topics
Today in my History of International Development course, I realized, mid-conversation, that I actually understood the meta. This is no small epiphany guys. Parts of the book felt like I was swimming in a fog of ontological haze.
This morning, I called a professor asking for some input on a topic, and they so sweetly offered to send me emails and get me in contact with their friend from the New School. This is no small favor. It is one thing to be addressed with kindness, and something totally different to be receive such personal care from someone who will probably benefit very little from our dialogue.
I emailed a professor and – with a great deal of trepidation – asked if they would be willing to serve as my thesis advisor. And they were so obliging. This professor is one of the biggest names in my (prospective) field, hence the trepidation. This is no small deal, at least for me. I came to this school with the hopes of working with them. And now I can.
And I have yet to meet a single advisor who has told me I should consider changing the skeleton of my thesis topic. In fact, they have all said this project is very interesting, and has great potential. THIS is no tiny source of relief, because most people end up having to scrap the first three ideas they have before finally getting something that might work. This isn’t to say my plans won’t change, but thus far no one has said it is impossible.
Psalm 73: 28
But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.
Would I know this as well if I hadn’t learned what I had last year?
I knew you were good, but I had no idea you would be this good.
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Every time I think, “Maybe today will just be a normal day,”
My soul is left wrecked – in the most overwhelming way possible – at the feet of the throne.
It’s all so terribly unfair you know,
for the God of the Universe to decide that with me
- the best and only remedy
is constancy.
She lives in Austin part of the time. How could I have not known?? I would’ve loved to see her live. Austin kids – take note. The music really is as good as everyone says it is.
As single girls, we talk so much about relationships, I think sometimes we use that facet of our thought processes to cover up the struggles that are going on in the other parts. Do we not?
That’s the great irony – that we girls use complaining as a front to cover up the things that need greater and deeper healing and redeeming.
I met up with a sister from my small group yesterday morning at The Grey Dog. The challah french toast was rather good, the ambience felt like something straight out of South Lamar in my most beloved college town, and the hazelnut coffee was superb.
And never once, in the midst of that loving little brunch date, did we talk about those things, at least in the way most girls do. I didn’t even realize that we hadn’t, until we parted ways, and I found that my insides felt unusually balanced, like I attended to parts of me that don’t usually get so much light.
